WOW!

Holy Cow, where did I go? I haven't been blogging and I don't have a lot to show for knitting either. I can attribute my silence and lack of knitting progress to several factors but I guess the biggest is that work has been kicking my butt lately. It seems that for a while when I haven't been getting home late from work, I've been making up for it by working at night when I should be knitting! In between I managed to spend a few days in DC with Eric. I also had to finally give in and buy a new (used) car even though I fancied myself growing my yarn stash bigger and bigger every month I went without a car payment. My car finally started to cost more than it was worth and when it wouldn't pass an inspection without a large chunk of change, I gave in. I love my new car, but I do sorta miss the excuse that no car payment could justify my lavish yarn addiction. At least I've been so busy lately that I can't seem to go through yarn as quickly as usual.

My biggest knitting accomplishment has been finishing a sweater that has been hibernating for nearly a year. It was so close to being done too. I considered frogging it but now I am deliriously happy that I didn't go down that road.

I have a few other projects that have been started but languish in various stages of completion. I am slowly working on those while I search for the next big project. I used to be so rigid about finishing one project before starting another but these days I just seem to flit from one to another. I just need to find the sweater or top that I must have so I'll get it done. I'm also working on some baby stuff, which is so much fun! While I was in DC I worked on a baby hat because it was easy to carry on the subway and around the city. Next will be a baby sweater in a soft baby bamboo. Baby things are not only wicked cute but go so fast they are a great way to feel a sense of accomplishment.

The DC trip was fun although the weather didn't cooperate at all. We decided to haul our camper to a place just outside the city. In the evenings we were holed up in the camper listening to the rain beat down. We had to yell over the thunderous rain to hear each other inside that thing. The best time of all was when we decided to drive into the city late one night in our jammies to visit the white house and Washington Memorial. Even the rain couldn't stop us from enjoying that escapade and it seemed much more fun than trudging around in the rain during the day.

That being said, it was a difficult trip too. I wanted to go because Eric had never been and I wanted to do something for him. I occasionally wondered if it might not even be possible for me to do all of the walking I'd need to do, but I ignored those thoughts. I figured I could call it quits when I needed to, not really acknowledging that I still haven't accepted what my limits need to be. I ended up pushing myself and ending up in some difficult situations. Perhaps it was what I needed to do in order to realize that I have a disability that is real, even when I like to pretend it isn't. Eric and I both came to better understand that we need to adjust our thinking. I need to accept and ask for accommodations and he needs to remind me to do it. For the first time, I realized that even with a cane there are just some things that I can't do the way I used to. It was heartbreaking when Eric would talk about going back with the kids and I'd think to myself that I can't do this ever again. I finally told Eric that if we went back, I wouldn't be able to go to places with them. I was devastated at the idea that I would become an outsider to the family outings, hearing about them but missing firsthand the laughter and joy of the actual moments. Eric was instrumental in explaining to me that it is time to be proactive in how we approach situations and do it differently but that it isn't the end of my participating in outings with my family. It just means that I may need to do some things in a wheelchair, or do less at a time. I'm no where near ready to be in a wheelchair, even if its just for a short trip but I am ready to accept some changes. The first major adjustment was getting a handicap placard for the car. Now its just a matter of continuing to adjust my expectations and be willing to accept help. This is a road that I never thought to travel but none the less, here I am. I'm still trying to figure it all out and still learning about what comes next. The biggest challenge now is to allow myself and others to see the disability that I have worked so hard to hide.