They are getting bigger

My kids started school last week. All of them. My youngest started kindergarten, my daughter started first grade and holy toledo my oldest is in fourth grade!!!


The most shocking thing of all...My newly minted football player. When did he get so big? It seems like just yesterday I was shattering my father's dreams by insisting in no uncertain terms that he would NEVER play football. Now my father is estactic that his "husky" grandson will put his body to good use. Or is he estactic that I am letting him play after swearing that he never would? I know what Eric thinks, but what does he know anyway. Looking at him in his uniform makes me feel old and on the upside, kinda small too.

He's in a happy place

Foster's story began almost 14 years ago when he was brought home to live with Eric and his then-girlfriend. The relationship between Eric and the girl didn't last so the girl left but the kitty remained. When I entered the picture he was a couple years old yet still very much a kitten. I remember how he'd pace the perimeter of the bed, not sure what to do with this new person around. He would hide whenever someone new came around those first few years. My son will forever bear the scar on his face from the time Foster met up with him unexpectedly. My son was 11 weeks old and napping on the bed. Foster jumped up for a little nap too and landed on this tiny human, scaring himself so badly he jumped right back off and left a scar. Eventually, he got used to me, my cats and a new child every few years. His skittishness went away by the time our oldest got into the toddler stage. By then I guess he'd figured out that if he could handle a child, he could handle strangers too. For the past few years Foster has mellowed and become social and lovable with everyone he met. A couple months ago he even allowed our 1 year old neighbor to pat him (mostly by grabbing his head). I was amazed at how much he has gone through over the years and how laid back he'd become. Eric and I were convinced for a while he'd live forever.

About a month ago, Foster started to lose weight and slow down. We suddenly recognized that he wasn't as invincible as we thought. In early August I started to prepare myself to face Foster's eventual death. I did a lot of thinking about what he has brought to our family over the years and how much has changed since he was a kitten. He didn't seem to be suffering but he just wasn't the same and I knew I needed all the time I could get to get used to the idea of him not being around.

About a week ago he stopped eating. A couple of days ago he stopped drinking. As much as I felt I would be honoring his lifetime of achievement by letting him die naturally at home, Eric and I couldn't continue to watch him go on this way. It was a hard decision but today he was put to sleep. He would die either way, but hopefully we spared him some pain and discomfort, even if it was just a few hours.

We will miss him. He was the symbol of a lost era to us. The time when we were young and life was so different. A time when a 19 year old could still get joy out of naming a cat after a beer. He was the constant member of the family that was been with us before we were even a family. He moved at least 5 times in his life, always coming with us no matter where we landed. He watched other pets come and go but always kept that special place of honor as the first one. He was a good cat and he will never be forgotten.

Ravelympics

I am competing in the Ravelympics, a twist off the Olympics for the Ravelry web site. The challenge is to complete projects within the chosen competition before the end of the Olympics. I am competing in the Vest Vault and the picture shows the front of the vest I am working on. I'm using sock yarn and size 3 needles, making it more of a challenge to complete. I'm also making the pattern up as I go along. It is a straight forward type of v-neck vest in colors just perfect for my little guy's first day of school. Just in case I actually finish this with time to spare, I am also planning a second vest but in a worsted weight. I've got my fingers crossed that my hands and wrists will be up to the challenge. I have a problem in my neck that causes pinched nerves in my arms and wrists. So far I have made pretty good progress.
This other project is a sweater that I began working on during vacation. I had hoped to get it done before the Ravelympics but that wasn't meant to be with the busy vacation schedule I had. I was really excited to start the vest so putting this aside for the time being hasn't been so difficult. The best part is when I pick it up again it should be completed in no time. This is another that I am making up as I go along. I wasn't sure it was going to fit well until I tried it on- I love it. Looking at it on the needles just doesn't do it justice. The yarn was a cheap wool that I picked up on sale for the heck of it. So far its been a great investment of both money and time. The label says its gray, but it has a blueish tint to it that reminds me of an ocean sky on a gray day. I don't know why but it makes me think of seagulls flying off in the distance over the ocean.

Back to Reality

I've been on vacation for the past week and a half but it seems like eons have passed. Every day has been filled with activity and we have truly made the most of every moment! We started off with a few days of camping, followed by a visit from Eric's mother from Montana and then a visit from Eric's father and his wife from New Hampshire. In the midst of this, Teagan got his hearing aids. The next day we celebrated his 5th birthday and the day after we had a birthday party. The most incredible thing happened, all the grandparents showed up at the same time and we immediately grabbed cameras to take advantage of the once in a lifetime moment.
For Teagan's birthday I made him a special Mr Roboto Hearing Aid Caddy (pictured). It has an opening in the back for the hearing aid case and in the front a pocket for extra batteries. Teagan has learned that when the hearing aids come out, they go right into Mr Roboto. He has adjusted very well to wearing the hearing aids and announced today that he doesn't even feel them anymore. He has happily stated that he can hear and I can see the wonderful change in him.


So tomorrow, it's back to work and life has we know it. While I can't say that I am glad to be getting back to work, I am glad to be getting back into a routine. I have enjoyed all of the different moments of vacation but I am also pretty tired! It was just what I needed to keep my mind completely away from work. My one small regret is that I didn't spend just one day exploring other employment opportunities just to see what might be out there. There's nothing stopping me from still doing that, but it may have been easier to consider jumping ship while I was physically and mentally detached. Overall, I am not letting that or anything mar what has been a great vacation from the "norm". Can't wait to do it again!!!!

The Gift of Adversity

"I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet strange, I am ungrateful to these teachers." -Kahlil Gibran, "Sand and Foam"

I am on day 2 of wallowing in self pity but I'm ready to start moving on. There will be more grief to come and I need to steady my pace to meet it head on with each new day. I am coming to accept that my son is hearing impaired and that I passed this on to him. Now I need to bolster up my strength to face the challenges that are yet to come. I have already learned so much in such a short time. I've learned good or bad that people can still surprise me. The friends I thought would be the most sympathetic have been the ones who have deserted me. Others where I least expected have shown compassion and shared my grief. I have cried over these challenges yet I've come away with a deeper understanding of how I can be a better person. I am grateful that my son is healthy and resilient. I know that other parents have faced much greater challenges and that our family will get through this. Still, I don't feel guilty about wishing for a different outcome. I don't feel guilty for feeling a sense of loss, both for him and for myself. As hard as it is, I am trying to focus on the positive. There are very kind and generous people in the world and although those weren't the people I sought comfort from, they are there to make the world brighter. My value is not defined my another's ignorance. I became who I am through an adversity that most people will never understand. Thankfully, there are many people who can simply feel empathy, even if the experience is not their own. I have decided to let go of the anger I've felt so that I can move on with a few new lessons learned. Being hearing impaired has taught me lessons I never would have learned otherwise, and I would not trade that for anything. Hopefully in years to come, my son will also be grateful for the gift he's been given.

Square Neck Top

Square Neck Top
Originally uploaded by timbertot

It may seem like I've disappeared, but here I am in my latest knit. I have entered a new phase of knitting where I seem to come to a dead stop when it comes to sewing pieces together. I would've finished this a while back but I couldn't bring myself to sew it together. Now that this is finished, I am working on a stole for my cousin, she's turning 40 in August.

Mini Me

I call him "Mini Me" because he got my face, my sense of humor and a few of my other quirks. I'm sorry to say that "Mini Me" has added another distinguishing feature to credit the nickname, he has trouble hearing. I was born hearing impaired and when I started having children one of my worst fears was one of them would end up hearing impaired too. I was the diligent mom making sure they were screened and so relieved when each one could hear. Mini Me slipped past my radar, because he has one ear that works fairly well, unlike my issues in both ears. The Doctor's believed it was fluid and tubes would take care of it. With some skepticism, I have gone along with it hoping that would be all it is. I think I knew almost a year ago that this was something more. He was a quiet baby and he is just a little too much like me in some situations. I have become more aware that my methods of compensating have become his methods, making it even harder to recognize he is having difficulty. I prepared myself to accept that he may be hearing impaired and it will be okay. I turned out alright and he will too.
I just didn't expect to recall with such vividness the struggles I went through to become the adult that I am. Years ago I accepted that I am who I am, despite it being harder in some ways. I overcame the shame that young children can dole out on the playground and the fact that some adults think I'm a snob because I don't talk much. I figured I could make it better for him because I understand, and maybe the blessing in disguise is that I'd finally have someone who understands me. That being said I still wish I could find a way to make it easier and shelter him from the hurtful words that will inevitably come his way. Until today, I thought I was the only one taking this hard. But then we went to the Doctor for another visit to decide what to do next. When the Doctor left the room, Mini Me looked up at me, his face crumpled as he reached out and grabbed me around my neck. I hugged him as hard as I could for a couple of minutes and my heart broke. He doesn't have the words to express it, but the sorrow is there and the hugs are in high demand. I wish I could tell him it gets better from here.