Mini Me

I call him "Mini Me" because he got my face, my sense of humor and a few of my other quirks. I'm sorry to say that "Mini Me" has added another distinguishing feature to credit the nickname, he has trouble hearing. I was born hearing impaired and when I started having children one of my worst fears was one of them would end up hearing impaired too. I was the diligent mom making sure they were screened and so relieved when each one could hear. Mini Me slipped past my radar, because he has one ear that works fairly well, unlike my issues in both ears. The Doctor's believed it was fluid and tubes would take care of it. With some skepticism, I have gone along with it hoping that would be all it is. I think I knew almost a year ago that this was something more. He was a quiet baby and he is just a little too much like me in some situations. I have become more aware that my methods of compensating have become his methods, making it even harder to recognize he is having difficulty. I prepared myself to accept that he may be hearing impaired and it will be okay. I turned out alright and he will too.
I just didn't expect to recall with such vividness the struggles I went through to become the adult that I am. Years ago I accepted that I am who I am, despite it being harder in some ways. I overcame the shame that young children can dole out on the playground and the fact that some adults think I'm a snob because I don't talk much. I figured I could make it better for him because I understand, and maybe the blessing in disguise is that I'd finally have someone who understands me. That being said I still wish I could find a way to make it easier and shelter him from the hurtful words that will inevitably come his way. Until today, I thought I was the only one taking this hard. But then we went to the Doctor for another visit to decide what to do next. When the Doctor left the room, Mini Me looked up at me, his face crumpled as he reached out and grabbed me around my neck. I hugged him as hard as I could for a couple of minutes and my heart broke. He doesn't have the words to express it, but the sorrow is there and the hugs are in high demand. I wish I could tell him it gets better from here.