Please pass the salt

This weekend I managed to get to SPA for about an hour which also means I managed to snag some fabulous new yarn. I was hoping to hang out for the day but I was in more pain than usual to start my day. I have gotten better at accepting changes to my plans and realizing that just to do part of it is something to celebrate. Still, it will take some time to really get used to being fully okay with having a disability and all that it brings. There are times when I still feel like I'm in complete shock.

I've already started work on a sport weight shawl in a soft wool I bought from a local spinner at SPA. pictured below I was the most excited to get some more "bunny", actually a blend of angora and wool and it was enough for an entire sweater!

A while ago I wrote about my breakdown at a yarn store when I went only to buy one skein of yarn for a scarf but ended up buying a lot more. I finished the scarf and have worn it to comfort myself at work when only something soft and squishy will do. I took a pic of it modeled by my Valentine Teddy Bear. He came in the mail from the Vermont Teddy Bear Co, a gift from Eric. He has the cutest shirt, which says "Knit Happens". He's also wearing his own little scarf that I made in the same pattern as mine from stash yarn.

My biggest knitting accomplishment of late is my Lett-Lopi vest. When I started it I wasn't sure which yarn I was going to use in the fair isle. The only thing I was sure of was that I was going to use stash yarn, since I have been challenging myself to use stash yarn whenever possible. I LOVE this vest!

Since my last post I have opened the Pandora's box on my illness. I can't honestly say whether I'm glad to know what it is or not. Unfortunately, I got two illnesses for the price of one, both with the potential to leave me disabled. My fierce determination to beat one illness faltered a bit when I realized that I could beat one only to be brought down by the other. I was quite sure I would be diagnosed with RSD/CRPS even though I hoped beyond hope that it would be something treatable instead. I was diagnosed with that and also with a rare disease called Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome- POTS. It sounds completely ridiculous to say actually. Yes, I have the POTS. Right now I am trying to treat the POTS with fluid and salt. Lots and lots of salt! I can't help but acknowledge the irony of trying to be healthy only to find out it can make things worse. The POTS does explain some things that the RSD didn't and I guess I am glad to know that part of things. It is the POTS that has forced me off my treadmill and has made me sick so often when RSD wouldn't have. In a nutshell, my heart rate spikes dramatically when I stand up (or sometimes even when I'm lying down) and causes dizziness, confusion, and most noticeably an inability to regulate my body temp. Even the RSD has been a little easier to hide, except for my limp. I'm keeping this quiet at work since it is clear that coming out with it could have devastating consequences. Although people can see that I limp and know that I've been undergoing testing, they don't know how much difficulty I'm having. As long as I can do my job, it shouldn't matter to anyone anyway. I'm continuing to take things one day a at a time while I do my best to control the effects this has on my daily life.

Most days, I'm just glad that I accomplish as much as I do with the additional challenges. Even today when I went out to snow blow not only my driveway, but my neighbor's as well, I was grateful that I was doing it. Last week the whole time I was snow blowing I had this stupid grin on my face because I was actually DOING IT! There were times I believed I'd never snow blow again. Some of my neighbors looked ready to suffocate themselves in a snow bank while I blissfully buzzed around with the snow blower. It was plain to see how easily we take those things for granted. I always pay for those efforts with extra pain but I try to keep doing everything that I can. The pain is inevitable either way, but it's a whole lot easier to handle the pain when I feel like I earned it with hard work.