My name is Amy and I'm an addict

It's been a while since I've had one of my extreme yarn buying moments. I've been stash busting and trying to decrease my yarn consumption since the beginning of January. I'd call it a New Year's Resolution except I resolved to never resolve again so let's just consider the timing coincidental. It seemed like a good idea to detox a bit since my stash closet has met it's capacity and ultimately I would like a new car someday. I was doing well and even made a few things purely from stash.

Then last week I slipped a little when I bought some yarn to make a vest. Even then I planned to use some stash yarn in the vest too. I thought about it in advance and knew what I was going to buy for the vest, fully justifying my impending purchase. However, I saw some lavender Malabrigo when I got to my LYS and HAD TO HAVE IT! It was new and it was meant to be. I bought it along with the yarn for my vest and figured even though I spent over $100, I had a $50 gift card to make it seem less lavish. I managed to get through that experience with only a twinge of guilt which was almost impossible to feel when my fingers rubbed over that new Malabrigo. Yummmm.

Then came today. Never should I even enter the general vicinity of a yarn store when I'm pissed at my boss. Never! When will I ever learn. I just happened to be in Waterville about a half a mile from a fabulously stocked yarn store today. I told myself when I got out of my meeting there that I would just slip on over for a minute and buy 1 skein. I justified it by telling myself I deserved it for working hard for my money and putting up with the Queen of Lies and Back Stabbing for a boss. I was thinking about how soothing a soft, beautiful scarf that I could fondle (and possibly choke myself with) would be whenever my boss comes near me. So after all kinds of self talk and justification, I went. What I didn't expect was to walk into the store and immediately see those magic words written on the whiteboard "All hand knit yarns 20-50% off". Oh my. I immediately started to shake and get that sick nervous feeling inside while my thoughts ran into overdrive. I must buy, I mustn't let this sale die in vain while simultaneously the other part of my brain said "run, get out now, don't even look, JUST SAY NO!" I kept walking as if I was on autopilot, all the while feeling tingles all through my body and a small bit of nausea. I felt out of control and almost rabid as I began to touch the vast array of heartbreakingly gorgeous yarns. I made myself move slowly in a controlled way even though inside I could feel my heartbeat speeding up and my breathing becoming erratic. I couldn't stop. I have a problem. I need yarn, especially yarn on sale.

When I left I was slightly less shaky but now feeling like a closet yarn freak with a problem. I was carrying my bag wondering how I was going to sneak "that" into the house. My original plan had been to put the 1 skein I was going to buy into my work bag, heck maybe even my purse. I figured it would be days before Eric even knew about it. Usually he teases me about my incessant yarn buying but I wasn't sure how he'd react to another binge so soon after last week. When I got home I tried to smoosh the over sized bag into my work bag, after I took out a bunch of other things to make room. I casually walked in the house and set my stuff down. He's not stupid. He probably knew I'd go to that yarn store before I did. Maybe he knew I had a problem and didn't tell me, who knows. I didn't get into the house 15 seconds before he asked me if I went to the yarn store. I just hung my head in shame. I've never been addicted to anything before I got into yarn. First I started experimenting with the cheap stuff from Walmart and JoAnn's but after a while it just wasn't doing it for me anymore. I started going to dedicated yarn stores and picking out more expensive and luxuriant fibers. They just looked and felt so good! Before I knew it I was buying yarn just to have it, with no particular project in mind for it. How can something that feels so good be bad?!

In my defense though, it could be worse. At least its safe to drive after I've gone on a binge in the yarn store. That's a good thing too, since I'll probably never get a new car and can't afford to bust mine up!

I tried to deny I truly have a problem. I looked up the diagnosis of addiction thinking I may only really like (LOVE times infinity) yarn and if I saw the symptoms I might see that I don't really have a problem. Yeah right. I included the diagnosis here from freedictionary.com for anyone else out there in serious denial of their yarn/fiber addiction. You know who you are! Even though I have a problem I don't plan on stopping. Whenever I think of a car payment vs. buying yarn, the yarn always wins. If there ever comes a time when I get anywhere I'll just hang out in my closet and sniff the yarn.

Diagnosis (from freedictionary.com)
In addition to a preoccupation with using and acquiring the abused substance, the diagnosis of addiction is based on five criteria:
loss of willpower
harmful consequences
unmanageable lifestyle
tolerance or escalation of use
withdrawal symptoms upon quitting