Mullet Head

"#1 on the side and don't touch the back

#6 on the top and don't cut it wack, Jack"

[Beastie Boys, "Mullet Head"]

Okay, time to get my head outta the fiber! My 9 year old son has been working on a mullet for over 2 months now and the reality didn't actually hit me until just this morning. I honestly can't say I didn't "know" he's been doing this. Denial is just a really beautiful thing sometimes, and boy it's been working for me. I missed all the obvious signs. It started with him coming home with Eric a couple months ago with the first telltale signs, cut in the front, longer in the back. Then it's been the refusals to get it cut, the saying outright that he is growing a mullet and so on. Why, even last week he told me he has suggested to his friends at school that they should all grow mullets. I have dutifully scoffed when it's been discussed and told him it's ridiculous. But then immediately after these conversations I have happily minded my own business (and fiber) without actually worrying about it further. I mean, really, who could believe my child would do this? Well, my denial was brought to a painful end this morning and with a bone shuddering shock, revealed the truth of what was before me.

My son got into my car with a bright orange Moxie hat on and all this crazy hair sticking out. My daughter said, "Boy, your hair is long."

To which my son replied, "Yep, Business in the front, party in the back baby"

I swear to God, the sound of screeching brakes went zipping through my head. I turned around and saw what I have been denying for so long. A mullet in a bright orange mesh Moxie hat! (See the pic above, it's like that) What do I do????????? I have scoffed, really, it shouldn't have gotten this far. He knows this is bad. He's torturing me. That's it, he's not going anywhere except to school and back for a very long time! And by the way, I blame ERIC for this. He should have stopped this instead of finding it humorous or dare I say, encouraging it. Is it possible for my son's hair to cause me to have an identity crisis? My head hurts and I need meds. MAKE IT STOP. Oh I just need to touch my angora silk blend and it will all go away.